It is that time of year. The exit ramps
are backed up for miles. The malls look like a mom mosh pit for
soccer moms. Prayers are sent to the heavens that UPS delivers that
special something to that special someone on time. Not only on time
but prayers that it is not shattered into a million pieces. It is
that time of year that we give thanks to the three wise men of Jim,
Johnny, and Jack. Thanks that we made it through a week or two with
the family. Yes, Christmas is here. The time of year we lost that age
old meaning and replaced it with the advertising of the American
dream. More, more, and more.
With Christmas upon us now is the time
that we dive into the stacks of CD's, downloads, and records. Time to
find a few songs that not only deliver the spirit of Christmas, but
to bring back the smiles of all the hipster girls and boys. Everyone
loves a list. Compiled is one that gives the listener a replication
of the true message of Christmas. Some songs have been dusted off,
some have come from the mothership, and others provide a helping hand
though the spirit of this recession era Christmas.
Without further ado: The record crate
brings you five Christmas song that are a bit off grid, and a little
more listenable than the barking dogs.
King Diamond “No Presents for
Christmas”
With his operatic voice that has been
hand selected by Satan himself, King Diamond created a classic. A
present from the dark lord given to us by the ghosts of Christmas.
“No Presents for Christmas” is a metal masterpiece. Complete
with cartoon favorites (Tom, Jerry, and Donald Duck,) saintly
gatekeepers (Saint Peter,) and the ho, ho, ho-ly one; Santa Claus.
Light your candles, layout the pentagram on the floor, and have a
truly metal Christmas.
Wild Man Fischer “I'm a Christmas
Tree”
With a level of technicality, this is a
song. It contains notes. It contains a melody. For some, it is
soothing to the ear. To others, they may want to gouge their eardrums
with a red hot poker. Before Wesley Willis there was Wild Man
Fischer. A discovery of Frank Zappa with a bent on releasing his
demons into the eardrums of the unsuspecting. This grand ode to the
Christmas tree, with a flattering second part harmony by the one and
only Dr. Demento. This a tribute not only to the beauty that comes
from a pine forest propped in the corner of ones home, with the
distinct chance that a fire may occur due to faulty wiring, but also
the Jewish equivalent; the Chanukah bush. A classic toe tapper for
the holiday tradition of decorating the tree.
Bootsy Collins “Winterfunkyland
(Winter Wonderland)”
The mothership has touched down and it
is about to get funky all over your face. The supreme bass god of
funk, Bootsy Collins, gives us a traditional Christmas classic the
only way he can. With a pedigree that includes stints with James
Browns and having piloted the Mothership on a few missions with the
P-Funk. Bootsy pulls out all the stops with a rendition that will get
your groove on and take you to outer space. Bootsy and his group of
merry minstrels gives up the funk and gets our hips shaking. So lets
get groovy baby!!!
MU330 “Angels We Have Heard on High”
These self proclaimed Ska-Bastards have
not one or two Christmas songs, but an entire albums worth; “Winter
Wonderland!” This St. Louis combo of ska-punk misfits give us the
traditional “Angels We Have Heard on High.” A study of Ramones
rhythms and horns that makes anyone want to skank around the
Christmas Tree. Not only will you want to oi! to the world, but this
punk and ska influenced version is a great soundtrack to any misspent
Christmas joy.
Brave Combo “God Rest Ye Merry
Gentlemen”
Hailing somewhere in the heart of Texas
this group of polka punks have been taking everything (and anything)
that is known about music, turning it on it's ears, and giving back
to the world. Creating a sound that will make you want to drink with
a stein of beer in one hand and then samba into the wee small hours
of the morning. This group of musical explorers are know as much for
their polkas as their take on holiday classics. Even writing songs
for holidays that have yet a tune. This take of “God Rest Ye Merry
Gentlemen” is taken from the ancient caroling choirs knocking
around the neighbor. Turning it into a tune that will make you twist
the night away. Two minutes of holiday bliss with a classic twist
sound that would make Chubby Checker proud this time of year.
These five songs should help anyone get
back into the spirit of Christmas. A spirit that can get lost as you
try to navigate the brigade of moms through the malls. Finding joy
while you are trapped in wasteland of cars stuck in gridlock that is
every major intersection within a two mile radius of a Wal-Mart. A
happiness that is found while being rescued from the family by one of
the three wise men. These songs will make you groove, skank, twist,
hold up the metal horns, or just drive your neighbors crazy. It is
that time of year and it is time to get your jolly on.
